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Early September

Early September

I sensed Autumn Coming near

I drank of the life that the Winds carried to Me

Brought peace to my body after echoes of mistakes resounded from Within

I wanted You here
but I Knew Better

Too far apart do We reside

Miles apart,
Two different Minds

I dreamt of He
as your face shone in the Light

Freedom then called me
like a child to its Mother

So I severed our earlier Days

before they became dreadful Days covered with Age

I found his Sun and I reside in His Eclipse

He tells me of a bright future
although amongst a Darkened day

I wear my glasses when I look into his face

Into my Mind

So I can set aside
Rose-colored eyes

There appears to be a void
that echoes Inside

Within Me
Within You?

Onto decisions that bind

To sever your Lion Pride
and to Begin Anew

With a different Life

Maybe you'd like to Know

Would like
to Find Out

Just what it is that
Eye'm All About?

I cannot deny
When my words describe

I seek to fill the Void
The Empty Hollow

I welcome a bond to Begin

One that Endures All Else

Until Then
If I Win

I Will look at You
With Soft Eyes

You Will Know
what is There

If, you ever Decide...

Feelings.. Memories..

I have been the most happiest I've ever been in a long time.
I have found my King after losing who I thought could be.
In the strangest of ways, we've found Each Other.
I love him, and he loves Me.

I have recently gotten back in communication with my last hope.
It has brought me peace, clarity, yet it has also awoken feelings of pain and weakness within me that remained dormant for some time.
I miss him, I do not lie. Seeing him again would surely pain my eyes.
Fragments of my soul would wither and die,
but I still remain happy with My King by my Side.

So when the time comes again, that my last hope should cross paths with eye, I will smile a painful defeat to the One who was my 'Everything.'
I Will shake off the dust from yesterday, and continue to hold my head high with the One who Now Occupies My Time.
I Will remain Friendly and Courteous to the One who Lies behind Me.
I Will hold a steady conversation while trying not to let him see the Longing that still stirs Within Me.
The night Will go just as fine and will eventually become another part of my past-life.
I love You Mister C. I loved you Mister E.
[A part of me has died with your Memories. Another part of me has arisen with this New Life.]

I feel...

I feel like I am not appreciated as much as I'd like to be
That I am not Recognized as the Goddess I portray through Myself
Maybe it is my examples that do not add up to the Like
or is it merely Pride that stands in the way of True Sight?

I feel alienated.

Thinking by myself
Getting used to being by myself
I asked for what I wanted
Now I don't know what to do with it
What a conundrum

Distance brings silence
Boredom to boot
Nothing new to share with each other
Seeing you again
but never knowing how Soon

It scares me

Yet wises me just the same
Experience after experience
Another lesson to 'the game.'


I doubt
Consistently there's this feeling of emptiness
Anxiety like a sign to tell me
Be on Guard

You never know what he's thinking
and that's how he likes it to be
That seems to be the underlying problem
He can never seem to be entirely open with me

I feel like he needs to prove
in any way that he possibly can
that he truly does care about my soul
and wishes for my heart to remain in his hand

I do not wish to carry on with someone who holds on to one thing
Love me for all that I am worth
All that I am capable of
and help to ignite that spark to get me on my way
I drive
Watching the world as I pass by
Lost in a daze with an image from yesterday
The cold wind blowing at my face
Music's blaring and I'm channeling through
Emotions of something fantastic
Spirits then rise once again to consume
My life's very Whole
I could Live Forever in this Moment
Riding the cold like a lost mare in winter
My nostrils flare with steam
Drinking heavier of this Dream
On a Journey of the Ancients
With a Sword at my side
And a Shield on my arm
Bearing the Mark of the Goddess
I smile to only Remember
That which I cannot Prove to be True
Stop sign ahead as my foot presses the brake
Snapped Back into 'Reality' once again
It's Cold
Like Death is Breathing upon your neck
Winter brings a familiar threat
To the forefront for appreciation not given
It Reminds Us
What we must be Gracious to Have
What we must Learn to Endure
Like Others Before
Who have went through such Times as Our Own


He expects me to make things happen instantly regardless of the situation at hand.

Am I not mature enough for him? Does my position make him unstable?

There's not much I can do to appease the situation any more right now.

All I ask for is patience.

I have been impatient with all of this.. Still impatient right now.
No excuses being made. No procrastination underway.

Just observing how things will all pan out. That's all.

Aggravated by his persistence, regardless of his intentions.
It takes a little bit for me to completely understand.
He shuts himself out, leaving me to wonder about, exactly what it is he's thinking.

Speak to me!
Over time I have accepted that there are some things I cannot have.
However, I have been fooled before. Almost surprisingly.

His reactions made themself apparent at one time..
Then other things he would say or do would only continue to validate this.
This that I thought was unattainable.. This, that I feel, is turning around.
I think he actually likes me..

Was he jealous? To comment on such a thought?
Now there was a kiss over the phone[?], and words that say more than he intends to let show.
And They say that he is doing this on purpose.
That it's only a matter of Time.
If this is true, as I very so hope it is, I grow more and more ecstatic to hear from him.. My heart feels the need to leap.
Although I still remain in check. Not blinded by my own hopes.

I have been let down before.. I don't want to make excuses anymore.
I just want validation and accuracy.

Oh, just tell me what you Think, Aquarius!
I love this game of hard to get, but at the same time, I need some answers.
You're making my head spin with your abundance of energy.

Vampyre. Vampyr. King to the Throne and Master of Eternity.
Will I become your respectable Queen?
Are you to become my powerful King?
Tiamat, working ever so surely behind things.
Thank you for your aid in this need.

Time can only tell where this will exactly Lead.

Wanting it All..

Fucking Vampyres.
Enchanting and mysterious, but beautiful all the while..
Making the draw that much deeper..
He is a King of his Kind, a Lord to his Land, a God to his Self.
It's too bad he could never be any of these things to his Lady.
If, in fact, he desired one to become the such.
A Tantric playground with a satiation like that of a Priest Vampyre.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
Eye, fell like Prey to an entity of this like, and have suffered the pangs ever since.

In the meantime, I haven't forgotten You. I miss You.
You will contact Me soon.

Stability and Balance, I summon thee for anchor.
The Venus Shadow is waiting..

So worried..

Worried Sick.
Tomorrow is a day that denotes the beginning and or end of this location where I am staying.
I don't know whether to move or to stay.
Either way I am struggling.
Thoughts are keeping me awake and I'm supposed to get up at 5am.
Off to the poverty office to beg uncle sam to save me.
Never would I imagine having to feel so helpless.
Not being able to do anything.
I can't stand feeling that way.
I've always had a solution to every problem.
I'm the Leader. The Libran who balances everything.
I've made decisions that have made me regret.
I don't regret. At least I don't stay for long within that frame of mind.
Feeling so weak. So out of control.
All of my possessions and my securities are unstable.
I am afraid for what comes next.
It's so hard to admit these things. Even to myself, I am ashamed to admit them.
I need direction from within and from the outside.
I just pray that I make it through this.
That Mom and I both make it through this.

I must get to being myself again.
Stability and balance are what keep my energies in harmony.

I must move forward.


A facade to say that everything is Okay
A frame of mind to keep it all behind
Nothing, instead of words to say
Something, flowing inside of my mind

Forget about it
It's gonna be alright
Nothing to stress about
You'll be fine

Tiamat.. What am I supposed to do?

T" You Will find your direction. Understand that not all is lost in hope for your Kind. Very soon your family Will Prosper. Trust You Will make the wise decision.

You Will be happy again. Your time is not far off from behinning. Don't you worry.

It has been so stressful.. as you may kow..


I just don't know how I'm supposed to balance my material life with my higher self. I am growing more sensitive everyday and it ht has become so difficult to remain motivated and hopeful in what's to come. I am in fear of mu home situation.

I just meed a direction.

T: Do not fear for fearing about might happen will not solve your isssues. you must remain strong and independent as it is in your nature to succeed. Stop stressing the insifnificant shit and focis on your reality and your friends. together, we are united. Know that your time comes soon. Sooner than you try to think. You will be Fine. Trust in onesself and truth in <e as you have. Thank you Tiamat. Thank you very much. My heart is fulfilled to know that you are with me. Thank you for being my guide. I enjoyed our time last night. Thank you for being present during my rite. T: You're welcome in every aspect humanly imaginable. You will be fine leader some day. Never lose sight of that. For we have not. =]

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