| They say it is in the process of Happening.. |
[Sep. 10th, 2009|12:03 pm] |
Over time I have accepted that there are some things I cannot have.
However, I have been fooled before. Almost surprisingly.
His reactions made themself apparent at one time..
Then other things he would say or do would only continue to validate this.
This that I thought was unattainable.. This, that I feel, is turning around.
I think he actually likes me..
Was he jealous? To comment on such a thought?
Now there was a kiss over the phone[?], and words that say more than he intends to let show.
And They say that he is doing this on purpose.
That it's only a matter of Time.
If this is true, as I very so hope it is, I grow more and more ecstatic to hear from him.. My heart feels the need to leap.
Although I still remain in check. Not blinded by my own hopes.
I have been let down before.. I don't want to make excuses anymore.
I just want validation and accuracy.
Oh, just tell me what you Think, Aquarius!
I love this game of hard to get, but at the same time, I need some answers.
You're making my head spin with your abundance of energy.
Vampyre. Vampyr. King to the Throne and Master of Eternity.
Will I become your respectable Queen?
Are you to become my powerful King?
Tiamat, working ever so surely behind things.
Thank you for your aid in this need.
Time can only tell where this will exactly Lead. |
|
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| Wanting it All.. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2009|04:12 pm] |
Fucking Vampyres.
Enchanting and mysterious, but beautiful all the while..
Making the draw that much deeper..
He is a King of his Kind, a Lord to his Land, a God to his Self.
It's too bad he could never be any of these things to his Lady.
If, in fact, he desired one to become the such.
A Tantric playground with a satiation like that of a Priest Vampyre.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
Eye, fell like Prey to an entity of this like, and have suffered the pangs ever since.
In the meantime, I haven't forgotten You. I miss You.
You will contact Me soon.
Stability and Balance, I summon thee for anchor.
The Venus Shadow is waiting.. |
|
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| So worried.. |
[Aug. 4th, 2009|04:22 am] |
Worried Sick.
Tomorrow is a day that denotes the beginning and or end of this location where I am staying.
I don't know whether to move or to stay.
Either way I am struggling.
Thoughts are keeping me awake and I'm supposed to get up at 5am.
Off to the poverty office to beg uncle sam to save me.
Never would I imagine having to feel so helpless.
Not being able to do anything.
I can't stand feeling that way.
I've always had a solution to every problem.
I'm the Leader. The Libran who balances everything.
I've made decisions that have made me regret.
I don't regret. At least I don't stay for long within that frame of mind.
Feeling so weak. So out of control.
All of my possessions and my securities are unstable.
I am afraid for what comes next.
It's so hard to admit these things. Even to myself, I am ashamed to admit them.
I need direction from within and from the outside.
I just pray that I make it through this.
That Mom and I both make it through this.
Please.
I must get to being myself again.
Stability and balance are what keep my energies in harmony.
I must move forward. |
|
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| [Poetree-Channel] |
[Aug. 2nd, 2009|03:16 pm] |
A facade to say that everything is Okay
A frame of mind to keep it all behind
Nothing, instead of words to say
Something, flowing inside of my mind
Forget about it
It's gonna be alright
Nothing to stress about
You'll be fine
===================================================================================
Tiamat.. What am I supposed to do?
T" You Will find your direction. Understand that not all is lost in hope for your Kind. Very soon your family Will Prosper. Trust You Will make the wise decision.
You Will be happy again. Your time is not far off from behinning. Don't you worry.
It has been so stressful.. as you may kow..
Yes.
I just don't know how I'm supposed to balance my material life with my higher self. I am growing more sensitive everyday and it ht has become so difficult to remain motivated and hopeful in what's to come. I am in fear of mu home situation.
I just meed a direction.
T: Do not fear for fearing about might happen will not solve your isssues. you must remain strong and independent as it is in your nature to succeed. Stop stressing the insifnificant shit and focis on your reality and your friends. together, we are united. Know that your time comes soon. Sooner than you try to think. You will be Fine. Trust in onesself and truth in <e as you have.
Thank you Tiamat. Thank you very much. My heart is fulfilled to know that you are with me. Thank you for being my guide. I enjoyed our time last night. Thank you for being present during my rite.
T: You're welcome in every aspect humanly imaginable. You will be fine leader some day. Never lose sight of that. For we have not. =] |
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|
| ^ ^ |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Abode. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | [South Park] | ] |
I have been anxious for the past week
Although emotions have been dreary
and my heart, still weary
I remained myself and hoped for the best
Got the words out for the sake of expression
Just to throw it out there
Wondering your perception
Riddles have been the only response
through the very currency of your status
Silence is what eventually became
Until the progression of today when that changed
Cool. =] |
|
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| Who else has been enduring awakening transitions? |
[May. 20th, 2009|05:52 pm] |
Been having intense downloads, recently.. They eventually occur in the forms of severe migraines, sometimes short-lived, but intense nonetheless.
Hunger has risen to the satiation of a Priest Vampyre... Natural energies that are ambient are hardly enough anymore.. Current happenings have been a good test of self control.
Would I penetrate skin eventually? It would be immoral to my vampyric upbringings, but some how I feel that possibly one day it will be too much.. That the Priest-ess Vampyre will give into her instinctual pangs..
What a transitioning process in my metamorphosis.
The Universe is shifting continuously.
Anyone else enduring such transitions? |
|
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| Revealing.. The Black Sheep. |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|11:06 pm] |
Something about the way that I'm feeling
So sickening, so revealing
of Myself and how I truly feel.. Inside.
Can't take control of what seems to be attaching itself..
To my mind...
So forgotten about sometimes
When I'm just standing around
I'm the black sheep within the crowd..
Come over, say hello
Tap into the things you do not know..
About me...
Learn with me.. That's all I'm asking.
Tune the world out, tune me in..
Figure it out, let yourself give in..
Know without a doubt, it's worth the question..
Answers come in time.. Just remember..
Remember Yourself..
Remember your Time..
This time.. Is just Experience.. |
|
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| Still Alone and Still Waiting.. |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|05:23 pm] |
After every night when I have people around..
After the night is done and all is sound..
I still feel empty and alone..
Wishing for that person to hold me..
The cards say Temperance when I wish for The Lovers..
Disregarding patience when all I want is what I wish to be..
In love, carefree, with his hand holding my own..
Pathetic existence when you live inside of a dream..
One that seems you cannot manifest quickly enough..
No control this time, not for this soul..
The waiting for that Lover has grown old..
Impatiently waiting, my heart grows weary..
Scared of a cold touch to embrace my own..
Bring warmth and affection..
Intellect and intention..
Be all that I've ever wished to see..
Just as the Wiccans say, So Mote it Be..
Just for Me... |
|
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| What was I thinking? |
[May. 26th, 2008|10:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Not sure what I was thinking
when I let myself go like that
Maybe if I hadn't been drinking
I wouldn't have to feel this bad
Were you disguising yourself?
Just so you could take all of me?
Did you pretend you felt it inside?
Or were you just fucking with me?
Silence, so I turn away
Validation comes into play
I should've known just what to say
When time came that you looked my way |
|
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| "Living"? |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|11:26 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | SoapNet in the livingroom (Go mom) | ] |
Reality is just a drawing board
You create your scene as you go along
Living the dream and remembering the memory
Breathing the life and feeding the energy
Life is just a journey repeated
You live, You die, You remember things forgotten
The soul lives on and if you're smart, you'll reincarnate
Into something like before or something even greater
Either way you're repeating the game, and the game only gets trickier
Living the life is an endless learning game
You must learn twice through everything, and you must learn openly as well as conciously
To live is to learn how to live forever
To exist without caring, is to die with the others
Where does your soul stand with eternity?
Are you living the dream or living in fear?
Do you welcome an end to bring about a new beginning?
Or do you only continue to breathe without thinking twice, only to exist to never live again?
The choice is yours to live forever
You think your thoughts, you breathe your breaths, you make your actions, you repeat them again
To live is merely to control
To never learn how to control is to never learn to live at all.
7/14/07 |
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| One, and then comes the two, to the three, and FOUR! |
[Mar. 9th, 2007|11:11 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Skewl | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TECH N9NE | ] |
I gotta switch up the paths of the poet because negativity isn't allowed to be the only flow
There's been a lot to be depressed about, a lot to contemplate, but yet I feel like I can't be the one to constantly hate
On this life that has only brought me shit as of recent
So it's time to change this whole scene up a bit
Tech nine's lyrical flow rolls through the waves in my brain
giving me another reason to act happy or insane
It's time that the poet has gotta make a comeback
with some gritty words to spit so that all the homies don't think that I'm slackin'
coz of the happiness lately that I've been lackin'
That isn't the kind of face I wear
I wear my face with an ego of pride, intellect, and the ability to 'get there'
So why does this face wear the presence of something negative?
The tears, they slid down my face and my hand has the heavy bruises
So it's time to move on now that the damage is done,
I can't be dragged down with the setting sun
Because I am the sun that shines upon this hearth of humanity
I am the lifeforce that feeds the nostrils of every living creature
I am the goddess, I am the Christ, I'm the one who intakes everything
Because the earth is my kingdom, and the kingdom has to be mine |
|
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| Alone again and over again.. |
[Feb. 12th, 2007|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Computer Fan | ] |
Loneliness is a fuckin' disease
It eats you inside even when you have no reason to feel so uneased
You have the one that holds you
but for some reason it isn't enough to suffice you
THe hunger for knowledge can almost seem a curse
Just for the fact that no one understands you, and that really hurts
They speak of what's "inside" and if you can't understand then you just won't
What the fuck do they really know and how do they know if we don't?
I mean, these people can speak from their own experiences
but what real fuckin' experiences have they had?
Other than the casual everyday situations that they have to undergo?
These are fuckin' fools, and everyday I feel as if I'm too old
Too old to be around because these individuals are only sheep
Too old to even exist because my soul is so fucking deep
Loneliness is so powerful that it's been able to bring people to their end
Loneliness is so powerful that it's almost brought me to an end
Where do I stand with the world and the people?
Not even fuckin' close because my mind is not equal! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|06:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Gabe's House. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Television. | ] |
So creativity kicks in and the poet must now resume
With a new poem of powerful rhyme so others can be consumed
There's been no influence except only that of emotions and thoughts
Not enough to really pursue my poetic flaunt
Some say writer's block and others say it's just a phase
These assumptions could never be true especially with an ego of taste
The poet and her confessions, the world is her muse
These are only statements that I have chosen to use
Others say I'm an inspiration, influential to their goals
I say I'm just a poet, with a world of lies to unfold
The Occult is something I'll always research
Just for the fact that the pieces fit so much
It opens the eyes of the sleeping
And encourages humanity to stand up from their kneeling
Organized religion is something non-existent within my reality
I'm not a following corpse to the dead eyes of humanity
Eternity is a possibility and physical death is only inevitable
I will conquer both victoriously and proudly show my medal. |
|
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| FIRST PLACE IN THE FRIGGIN TALENT SHOW YO! |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|12:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Skewl | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mudvayne - Lost & Found 2005 | ] |
Yeah so,
My homey Robby and I have been working on the cover of "Black" by Pearl Jam.
We auditioned for the talent show at our school and were able to compete.
We competed, and we scored First. Fucking. Place! I couldn't believe it.
I still can't, really. And I only found out that we scored first place this morning. I've still got the trophy and I've been carrying it around school all morning.
We had Robby's dad record our performance.
http://blog.myspace.com/cleve_ulysses =D
We're talking about getting really serious with this band idea.
There are too many options that I'd be foolish not to grasp.
Robby and I can make this work. We got to.
SO YEEAAAAHHHHH...
I'm a happy buzzin' bee, yo..
=D
((Sharon)) |
|
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| The Latest & The Greatest.. |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|12:08 pm] |
Gabe Gibb! AKA Gabriel Donald Gibb, E-baG, my homey..
Yeah.. He's the significant other as of currently..
A great one at that.. I haven't seen him in about two days, which is fine, any two people stuck up eachother's asses daily usually play cutthroat island sometime..
So, it's a wise move not to always be around eachother..
Even if we wanna be.. I know I wanna be.. =D
So I'm Happy.. Somewhat.. Except for school.. I'mma Senior.. A SENIOR!
I am missing one-half credit in Geometry and Economics..
That whole credit alone is what's keeping me back from having a diploma..
Or WILL Hold me Back, Anyway...
But I'm alright.. =D
Haha, what a great photo.. Here's Stacey.. My first piece of art created with face-paint and a make-up brush:
.. Oh, the art and the arteest.. !
Well, I know I'm practically the only one that reads this journal, so it's more of a blah-blah thing because I'm bored right now..
Any new poetry? Hardly, to be honest. Hardly any inspiration.
Wait, I lie..
My poetry has been somewhat freestyle. I have had a little influence from shakespeare's form of writing.. Macbeth, the story in particular, is the major influence.. It's helped.. Yet, my words are bland.. Not really powerful... Sappy.. Mushy.. Yeah, Gabe's influenced that too..
But Hey! I gotta get on this schoolwork..
pz out.
((sharon)) |
|
|
| Three Poems |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|11:53 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | School. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Primus - Pork Soda | ] |
Crystal blue eyes embrace your psychotic gaze
Pupils dialated, with that hungry taste
You see right through what are the windows to my soul
Into my deep oblivion, unto you, I wish to unfold
Your silly personality, your style to only which You define
You are quite the opposite, but amazing to me during this time
I feel really close, and my thoughts swim around your memories
Even now, there aren't that many, but something says soon, there willbe plenty
I cannot forget that paint-smearing kiss, that I, couldn't help but to be spontaneous with
I suppose that was the best way I could express, because words cannot describe, how you've suddenly filled the emptiness
Obsessed, is hardly the word to use
More like fascinated, exciting, I'm the poet and you're the muse.
My mind is clouded with thoughts of someone who means much
A clown with many faces, with eyes of portholes into the windows of his soul
I find myself hardly able to respond properly when his presence enters the room
A natural occurence, ever-constant, the excitement surges when your voice is heard
Through the walls of my ears, your sweet memory clinks & clanks throughout the passageways
Your appearance, is that of no other
An ongoing memory, and always a pleasure to view
I most importantly enjoy the fact that You are You
Your name, an angel who sits high on his throne in the Godly Heaven
With a trumpet on his lap
His head, not bowed down, but stable with sincerity and faith
"Gabriel," the word spoken aloud is a name to never be forgotten
You are a muse to this poet, a constant reminder of memory
An influence of confidence and art,
Your name and your personality,
Has been ever continuous in my heart.
My heart yearns just to feel love again
An empty soul willing, to have your subtle embrace shround my presence with a beautiful taste
One that endures all previous doubts behind given because my heart is so alone, and it chose to stay within its' prison
A self-created purgatory, to which I have now forbidden myself to ever enter again
But you have come along, and my guards have not yet risen
Is there a key, a miracle, a reason that you yourself may hold to enter the chambers of my very soul?
Without a guard of any sort?
Meticulous, hardly considered
May be foolish on my part, yet with you, I do not feel hidden. |
|
|
| Lately.. |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|01:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Skool | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Third Eye Blind | ] |
High school and female drama
I've taken in enough to make a person vomit
Can't stand to see these faces that pass me by
Still, I'm walking with my head held high
" So what? " " So what? "
Stone Temple Pilots rushing through my ears
Now there's something I really like to hear
Music, it's my outlet & my living high
My beautiful woman, my lovely guy
It's been a really strange past few days
So much drama yet, nothing's been the same
Unexpected things occurring, new events stirring
Excitement rolls through my veins and my mind hurrying
Because time is moving by too slow
The fun will be happening soon and I'm ready to go
The fun happened and there were many altered souls
Wandering the grounds with a haze infecting their minds
The haze only affected me to a certain extent
Everyone else was completely and definitely out of it
(later..) |
|
|
| "Lonely; Nothing new" (9/5/06) |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|01:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | School. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Audioslave - Revelations CD | ] |
One of the worst feelings in the world is to wake up in a new day feeling so alone
To realize that you haven't found anyone who will just enjoy having you to hold
To look into your eyes with the best of intentions,
To hold you close and give all affection,
To be your best friend and to always pay attention,
To all that is you because you are their world,
You're the one which means the most,
You're the number one girl
That importance is one of the best alone
Love is something so beautiful when you have someone to hold
Always cherish the times and never take them for granted.
If you abuse the best, you'll always be lost in love stranded. |
|
|
| Fuckin Christ, has shit been bothering me! |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Stacey's House. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stace and Keith's Conversating | ] |
Can't seem to escape the goddamned faces that infect my memory everyday.
It's hurting.. My mind has surrendered, as well as my emotions.
My body is weak from a long previous night and day and my guard has been let down to all things that affect me.
I've been pushing the negative away but it keeps coming back..
I'm weak.. I'm hurting.. I'm reflecting.. I want to break down..
Why though? Why now? FUCK.
Fuck IT.
((sharon)) |
|
|
| Everyone here, knows that everyone here is thinkin' 'bout somebody else... |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|12:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | School. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Matchbox 20/ Full Devil Jacket | ] |
So I've been a little lonely..
Actually, really lonely..
Waking up with the familiar burning of emptiness..
I need someone to hold me.. I need someone to care about me..
I won't find that someone right now..
That's the devastating realization that I constantly face.
It doesn't always hurt really bad, just at times when it chooses to phase me.
" I'm sorry now.. And I don't know how.. To get it back.. To good.. "
His face on occasion still comes to me
Brings memories on like a ton of bricks
I'm clenching my eyes to hold back the tears
Because it's unnecessary to shed the years
How could it hurt so bad to see someone?
Why should it matter after it's all over?
The memories bring back that complete happiness
The kind that cannot be replaced. |
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eyeamthepoet's journal
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